truth be told,
...i have no freaking clue.
i have absolutely no idea where my life is headed,
what my plans are, or anything of anything.
all my plans seem to keep failing. nothing knew to me of course.
failure and i have been best friends for many years now, and i have now learned to fully welcome it with a smile :)
im never put down by the fact that something just basically turns to shit.
all that means is that i need to seek a new opportunity.
i always seem to have options and plans and stuff, or at least some type of sense of direction (im speaking about my life of course....we all know my sense of direction is completely horrible)
BUT now, i really have no clue what im to do.
im insanely broke, and when i say insanely, i mean insanely.
i always say, oh well, something good will eventually happen,
and well something always does, God has never failed me there, but i am now thinking, when will my options run out? i mean argh...
i have no freaking clue what im doing.
right now all i do is basically sleep and work and stuff.
...but now i dont know. ive been considering the following for a long time now- moving back to orange county with ismael and josh.
that would be just perfect for me. living with my two best friends, BUT
i also very much do not want to move back to orange county...
well not anytime soon that is. if i move back now, it will be like i failed.
not necessarily failed on making it on my own (being how ive been gone from oc for 6 months) but the fact that i failed on starting a new life.
i can never seem to stop thinking about my sisters and all my friends.
today on the way home from work it all dawned on me.
i need them....or so i told myself, but the main part of me always tells me, "you dont need anyone but yourself and God." i am really very confused right now.
i also think that if i do decide to leave here, i will be leaving certain things* that have become quite important in my life, and that once im back i shall miss the things* i left.
i hate feeling like i need someone else other than myself.
everything that i have, i have worked hard for.
sure my parents provided a home for me, but i never asked them for anything. i mean, i may not have much, or next to practically nothing, but the little i do have, i know i earned it by my own merits.

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well actually, right now i just made my decision on all this haha.
some may like it, some may not.
- so im searching for new roomates somewhere a lot closer to school.
i guess if i cant find anyone in the next 2 weeks, im moving back.
there you go. thats my decision. im sure quite a few of you will be happy.
...but umm yeah, i might change my mind, but probably not.
soooooo if you want me to move back, you better pray that i dont find roomates.
well, i guess its back to square one for me again.
i like to call it home :)